J. Neil Schulman
@ Agorist.com
Humor — we hope!
The Official Language Act
Apr 22nd
Conservatives have suggested making English the only official language for conducting all government business in the United States.I think this is a step in the right direction, but it just doesn’t go quite far enough.
This article and the graphic image is Copyright © 2012 The J. Neil Schulman Living Trust. All rights reserved.
Winner of the Special Jury Prize for Libertarian Ideals from the 2011 Anthem Film Festival! My comic thriller Lady Magdalene’s — a movie I wrote, produced, directed, and acted in it — is now available free on the web linked from the official movie website. If you like the way I think, I think you’ll like this movie. Check it out!
Punxsutawney Mohel
Jun 7th
Cartoon by J. Neil Schulman and Baloo
Punxsutawney Mohel
The origins of this cartoon:
A lively Facebook discussion this past weekend on the pending San Francisco vote to ban circumcision had a number of the opponents objecting because an infant has not granted consent. Which led me to wonder precisely how you can get informed consent from a week-old baby boy. Which reminded me of asking the groundhog for a weather prediction.
Leaving religion out of it: the libertarian answer — the American answer — whether to circumcise a baby is that, unless it’s your own baby, shut your damned pie hole and mind your own business.
— JNS
My comic thriller Lady Magdalene’s — a movie I wrote, produced, directed, and acted in it — is now available as a DVD on Amazon.com and for sale or rental on Amazon.com Instant Video. If you like the way I think, I think you’ll like this movie. Check it out!
Area 51’s Latest Resident
May 17th
Cartoon by J. Neil Schulman and Baloo
Area 51’s Latest Resident
See also Osama bin Laden: Was it a Rendition?
What’s Happening in Pakistan?
May 17th
Cartoon by J. Neil Schulman and Baloo
What’s Happening in Pakistan?
My comic thriller Lady Magdalene’s — a movie I wrote, produced, directed, and acted in it — is now available as a DVD on Amazon.com and for sale or rental on Amazon.com Instant Video. If you like the way I think, I think you’ll like this movie. Check it out!
Was Alongside Night Already Made?
May 1st
It started with a Google alert in my email inbox.
I clicked the link.
It took me to this YouTube Video:
I followed the YouTube link to its destination:
http://w-tv.net/5153
Alongside Night (2012)– Action | Adventure | Drama | Sci-Fi | Thriller
Description:
Alongside Night is the story of the final economic collapse of the United States as seen through the eyes of 18-year-old Elliot Vreeland…
I don’t know how they did it.
A time machine?
A cross-dimensional gate?
It doesn’t matter. I’ve got to get a copy.
Obviously either a future version of myself, or a version of myself from an alternate time-line, has already made Alongside Night … and if I can just get my hands on it I won’t have to go through all the shit of actually making it!!!!!
Note from J. Neil Schulman: If you click the video at http://w-tv.net/5153 it leads to a sign-up form asking for a credit card. Fearing that giving “them” my credit card may cause a space-time paradox that might destroy the entire universe (or, to quote Doc Brown, the effects might be localized and just destroy our own galaxy) I’ve decided I’d better not. I don’t advise anyone else to submit their own credit-card info, but if you do, be sure to let me know if Alongside Night is any good!
My comic thriller Lady Magdalene’s — a movie I wrote, produced, directed, and acted in it — is now available as a DVD on Amazon.com and for sale or rental on Amazon.com Instant Video. If you like the way I think, I think you’ll like this movie. Check it out!
Ten Reasons Superman Renounced his American Citizenship
Apr 29th
In the 900th issue of Action Comics Superman renounces his American Citizenship.
Here are ten of the Man of Steel’s reasons.
David Letterman, I’m granting you rights to use this for your Top Ten … with attribution, of course.
–J. Neil Schulman
Superman
10. No more phone booths in America.
9. Smallville seized Kent Farm by eminent domain and sold the land to build a WalMart.
8. Lois Lane became Larry King’s eighth wife.
7. Clark Kent’s rent-controlled Metropolis apartment torn down to build luxury condos.
6. FDA declared Superman’s X-ray vision a medical device needing their approval to use.
5. Lana Lang released old Superboy/Lex Luthor gay sex video on Facebook.
4. EPA-funded study declared Superman the cause of global warming.
3. Donald Trump’s demands to see his long-form Kryptonian birth certificate.
2. Sick of TSA groping every time he flies.
1. Wikileaks revealed his secret identity.
Winner of the Special Jury Prize for Libertarian Ideals from the 2011 Anthem Film Festival! My comic thriller Lady Magdalene’s — a movie I wrote, produced, directed, and acted in it — is now available as a DVD on Amazon.com and for sale or rental on Amazon.com Instant Video. If you like the way I think, I think you’ll like this movie. Check it out!
Subject: Inception Soundtrack — Four Revised Cues
Jan 6th
Intercepted through Wikileaks
From: Hans Zimmer
To: Christopher Nolan
Subject: Inception Soundtrack — Four Revised Cues
Date: 02/27/2010 11:08 PM
Chris,
Here are the revised cues you asked for. I hope they’re closer to what you need than the originals I emailed you last week.
Hans
M17B
“At This Point The Audience Has No Effing Clue What’s Going On”
01:30:46:14
M17C
“I Can’t Believe the Pitch I Sold This On Was ‘Synedoche Meets Ocean’s 11′”
01:31:52:00
M17D
“Even Philip K. Dick Wouldn’t Be Able to Follow This Plot”
01:32:13:22
M18
“Am I Really Making This Movie Or Am I Dreaming?”
01:33:32:15
Sent from my iPhone
This article is Copyright © 2011 The J. Neil Schulman Living Trust. All rights reserved.
My comic thriller Lady Magdalene’s — a movie I wrote, produced, directed, and acted in it — is now available for sale or rental on Amazon.com Video On Demand. If you like the way I think, I think you’ll like this movie. Check it out!
A Rich Businessman Complains About Movies
Nov 2nd
Him: I’m so sick of movies that make businessmen like me the bad guy. All I want is to make money by producing products that people need, free from government bureaucracy. Why do Hollywood producers always portray businessmen as unscrupulous monsters like Gordon Gekko in Wall Street or Parker Selfridge in Avatar? Even in a movie like Alvin and the Chipmunks, the Chipmunks business manager wants to put them in cages and make them slaves. I don’t want slaves. I don’t want to win by making other people lose. I don’t want to kill the Na’vi. I like tall blue people with tails and cute talking rodents. Why do movies make me the bad guy?
Her: So why don’t you finance a movie with a script you like?
Him: I never thought of that. You mean all I have to do is find a script I like and write a check?
Her: Yes. And I know of a good one. It’s called Alongside Night. It’s based on a famous underground novel with lots of great endorsements, reviews, and awards. It was endorsed by Nobel Prize winner Milton Friedman. It was endorsed by Anthony Burgess, who wrote A Clockwork Orange. It won the Prometheus Hall of Fame Award. Ron Paul endorsed it. Glenn Beck raved about it on his radio show. The author is directing it from his own script. He’s already written and directed another movie called Lady Magdalene’s. He wrote for the Twilight Zone, the one where a future historian prevents the JFK assassination. Alongside Night reflects all your higher values. It will be exactly the type of movie you want to see!
Him: But how do I know the movie will be any good?
Her: The filmmaker is J. Neil Schulman. He already has Kevin Sorbo and Erick Avari cast in the movie. He has an Emmy-winning line producer. All you need to do is email Neil and he will send you everything a businessman like you needs to finance this movie. He will even make you an executive producer on the movie. If you want he will put your name above the title. All he needs is the financing to set a start date. And even if you don’t make money, you will have produced a movie which educates the public about the principles of free-market economics and individual liberty.
Him: But why should I risk my money? I’d rather just continue to bitch about movies I don’t like. Culture doesn’t matter anyway. Let only socialists make movies. I don’t care. I’ve only read one novel in my entire life. Atlas Shrugged. Actually, I didn’t even read it all the way. I just read John Galt’s speech and the sex scenes between John Galt and Dagny Taggart.
Her: You are an incredible asshole. I hope communists take all your property and throw you in prison. You are as selfish and stupid as they say you are. Eat shit and die.
Him: Okay, you’ve convinced me. I have learned better. I have changed my ways. Where do I send the check?
Her: J. Neil Schulman has a website. He has a blog. He is on Wikipedia and IMDB and Amazon.com. He is on Facebook. He is on Twitter. He is on LinkedIn. You can Google him. Neil will send you the script and the budget. It costs less than you think. Google Alongside Night! In the name of all that is good and holy, Google J. Neil Schulman and Alongside Night! This movie might save you! The capitalist fortune you keep out of the hands of the socialist hordes might be your own!
Him: I would but I am only a cartoon character. So which rich businessman in the real world will do what I would do if I were real?
If you are a rich businessman as smart as this cartoon character, email J. Neil Schulman at jneil@jesulu.com so Neil can email you the movie script, budget, and everything someone would need to finance this movie. This cartoon is for entertainment purposes only and is not a solicitation to invest. And when Neil sends you information on what he needs to make the movie, that isn’t a solicitation to invest, either. In fact, nothing Neil ever says to anyone is a solicitation to invest. You have to beg Neil to put money into this movie and if he’s in a good mood he might agree to take your money. He just wants to save the world. No kidding.
For a more serious discussion of why Alongside Night should be a movie, listen to my October 17, 2010 Libertopia speech, Reloading the American Revolution.
Go to the Alongside Night Official Movie Website
This article and its links are Copyright © 2010 The J. Neil Schulman Living Trust. All rights reserved.
My comic thriller Lady Magdalene’s — a movie I wrote, produced, directed, and acted in it — is now available for sale or rental on Amazon.com Video On Demand. If you like the way I think, I think you’ll like this movie. Check it out!
It’s Time to Close the Damned Northern Border!
Jul 2nd
Enough already about the Southern border with Mexico. The Mexicans are no threat to our way of life. Drug gangs? Please. Arizona just added legalized concealed carry of firearms without any licensing requirement to its already-existing policy of legal open carry of firearms without any licensing requirement. Any Mexican drug gangs mix it up with us Wild West types we’ll kick their asses all the way back to Mexico City just like we did in the 1840’s.
Mexicans come here, they sell me cheap oranges, they’ll do first-rate plumbing, electrical work, construction, and landscaping for a fraction of the cost I’d have to pay a licensed union worker, and Mexican food rocks. So what if I have to learn a little Spanish to understand their gibberish? Their women are hot and it’s all natural — no Beverly Hills surgery required.
No, as usual everybody’s looking the wrong direction. The danger to the American Way of Life is all these damned Canadians.
To start with, how dumb and weak-assed do you have to have been to have a shot at joining in with a revolution put together by George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, Tom Paine, Sam Adams, and John Adams … and say, “No, thank you. We’re perfectly happy continuing to pay our taxes to some German king in London?” I mean, WTF?
Look, I like bangers and mashed as much as the next fellow, but I can’t recall seeing any drive-up windows with a clown logo where after putting in an order for bland sausages I’m asked by a pimply electronic voice, “You want mashed with that?”
Canadian politics? Their idea of a conservative is Leon Trotsky. They yammer all the time about how civilized they are and Americans aren’t but I seem to recall them sending troops to just about every stupid war we have. They may not pay their taxes to the Germans anymore but they still tax themselves half to death and brag about a socialized health care system that relies on private-sector American companies selling them drugs cheaper there than we can buy them here and Canadians running to American ER’s every time they actually need quality health care.
And I find it easier to mail a book or a DVD to London, Tokyo, or the Philippines than to get one past Canadian customs. I’ve had books and DVD’s that I paid overnight rates for sit in Canadian customs for a week or two before they finally deigned to allow their subjects to be allowed to receive them.
Then, of course, every time I run across some science-fiction novel that portrays America as some Jerry Falwell/Sarah Palin right-wing nightmare, by some coincidence it’s always some writer living in Toronto who never would dream of writing a 1984 dystopia set in their own country — it’s always set in mine. Like Canada has had a Bill of Rights going back over two centuries. Oh, wait. They didn’t get one that meant anything until after I’d published my first novel.
I have to admit that I harbored a Canadian illegal for decades. But you have you ask yourself: why is it that Canadians bitch so much about America but they don’t consider themselves a success at anything until they can make a go of it here?
Come on, I’m feeling feisty! You want a little one-on-one, Canada?
We had Frank Sinatra. Your answer was Michael Bublé.
We gave you Barbra Streisand. You gave us Céline Dion.
We gave you Elvis. You gave us Paul Anka.
I might be able to put up with Alanis Morissette if she could stop whining about her exes for five minutes.
We gave you Groucho Marx, Jack Benny, Danny Kaye, Mel Brooks, and Eddie Murphy. And, okay, you got something going with Mike Myers and Jim Carrey — but wait … aren’t they both naturalized U.S. citizens now?
And Alanis Morissette, too?
The point is, every time you get something going that might rightly be claimed as Canadian culture, you send it here and it becomes American culture.
Then you bitch about what barbarians we are.
Enough already. Eat your damned bangers and mashed.
I’m heading for Taco Bell.
My comic thriller Lady Magdalene’s — a movie I wrote, produced, directed, and acted in it — is now available for sale or rental on Amazon.com Video On Demand. If you like the way I think, I think you’ll like this movie. Check it out!
Alongside Night Author to Sue United States for Copyright Infringement
May 21st
(OPENPRESS) May 21, 2010 — Author/filmmaker, J. Neil Schulman, today announced his intention to file a lawsuit for copyright infringement of his 1979 novel, Alongside Night, which tells the story of the collapse of the American economy due to massive government overspending and the issuing of unbacked money and credit to pay the interest on the national debt.
Schulman intends to name the United States government as his primary defendant. According to Schulman, “The United States government — both the executive and legislative branches, aided by the courts, have stolen the entire premise — and a lot of the plot — of my novel!”
Schulman also intends to name, as co-defendants in his copyright infringement lawsuit, the Federal Reserve Bank, the European Union, the International Monetary Fund, General Motors, and the country of Greece.
“Just look at TV news or read a newspaper,” Schulman said. “Plot point after plot point is identical. In my 1979 novel I have General Motors go bankrupt — General Motors then files for bankruptcy. I have Europe issue a common currency in my novel called the ‘eurofranc’ — the European Union then goes and issues the ‘euro.’ In my novel I have a European Chancellor, based in France, accuse the U.S. President of having the monetary policies of a banana republic — then the President of the European Union — also based in France — slams U.S. plans to spend its way out of recession as ‘a road to hell’ and says President Barack Obama’s massive stimulus package and banking bailout ‘will undermine the liquidity of the global financial market.’ The copycat nature of all these plot points and dialogue” — says Schulman — “could not be more obvious!”
Alongside Night won high-profile praise when it was released in hardcover by Crown Publishers in 1979.
Milton Friedman, who in 1976 won the Nobel Prize for economics, wrote about Alongside Night, “An absorbing novel–science fiction, yet also a cautionary tale with a disturbing resemblance to past history and future possibilities.”
The Los Angeles Times Book Review wrote, “High Drama … A story of high adventure, close escapes, mistaken identities, and thrilling rescues. … A fast-moving tale of a future which is uncomfortably close at hand.”
And Anthony Burgess, author of the dystopian novel A Clockwork Orange, wrote, “I received Alongside Night at noon today. It is now eight in the evening and I just finished it. I think I am entitled to some dinner now as I had no lunch. The unputdownability of the book ensured that. It is a remarkable and original story, and the picture it presents of an inflation- crippled America on the verge of revolution is all too acceptable. I wish, and so will many novelists, that I, or they, had thought of the idea first. A thrilling novel, crisply written, that fires the imagination as effectively as it stimulates the feelings.”
The novel was entered into the Prometheus Hall of Fame Award in 1989 — its first year of eligibility — and in May 2009 was named Freedom Book of the Month by the Freedom Book Club.
Congressman Ron Paul wrote of the novel’s 30th anniversary edition in 2009, “J. Neil Schulman’s Alongside Night may be even more relevant today than it was in 1979. Hopefully, the special thirtieth anniversary edition of this landmark work of libertarian science fiction will inspire a new generation of readers to learn more about the ideas of liberty and become active in the freedom movement.”
Alongside Night has had over 87,000 downloads of its 30th Anniversary PDF edition since it was made available on the web on June 13, 2009. The publisher, Pulpless.Com, will remove this PDF edition from its website when 100,000 copies have been downloaded.
As described by the Wikipedia entry on Alongside Night, “The book focuses on the character of Elliot, the son of a fictional economist and Nobel Laureate … set in a United States on the brink of economic collapse, where inflation is spiraling out of control and the government struggles to keep hold of its power. Trading in foreign currency has become illegal and many shops are subject to rationing; as a result there is a sprawling black market for almost all conceivable goods. Other nations have not fared so grimly, and organisations such as EUCOMTO (European Common Market Treaty Organization – the novel’s prophetic vision of the future EU) issue stable gold standard currencies.”
J. Neil Schulman intends to produce and direct his own screenplay adaptation of Alongside Night as soon as he has production financing in place.
“Who knows?” Schulman says. “Maybe one of the defendants in my lawsuit will settle quickly and I can use that money to make the movie!”
Winner of the Special Jury Prize for Libertarian Ideals from the 2011 Anthem Film Festival! My comic thriller Lady Magdalene’s — a movie I wrote, produced, directed, and acted in it — is now available free on the web linked from the official movie website and as a DVD on Amazon.com. If you like the way I think, I think you’ll like this movie. Check it out!
