J. Neil Schulman
@ Agorist.com
Sanford FL Gated Community to Crucify George Zimmerman on Good Friday
The Twin Lakes Home Owners Association in the Sanford, Florida gated community where George Zimmerman shot 17-year-old Trayvon Martin on February 26, 2012 voted unanimously, in a special Sunday executive session, to crucify its former Neighborhood Watch Captain this coming Friday, April 6, 2012 — Good Friday on the Christian Calendar.
“The Zimmerman incident has become an embarrassment to our community,” said HOA Chairperson, Lirpa Sloof, “and in this lousy real-estate economy we just can’t put the equity investments in our homes at risk. George is a great guy and I’m sure he understands our position. Aside from anything else, we’re going to follow the pagan tradition of the Corn King, and for the next five days George can have any woman in the community he wants, any luxury he wants, right up to the moment that first nail goes in.”
George Zimmerman,
to be crucified this Good Friday
Asked if the HOA is concerned that the Zimmerman crucifixion will bring reprisal from either churches who consider the crucifixion blasphemous, or from prosecutors who might bring murder charges, Sloof laughed it off. “The Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have led protest marches demanding justice for Trayvon right up to our front gate. So much for the churches. As for the government,” Sloof continued, “Millions have signed a petition demanding that Zimmerman be arrested, The New Black Panther Party has issued a ‘dead or alive’ bounty on George Zimmerman. President Obama has said that Trayvon Martin looks like the son he would have had. We’re not just protecting ourselves. If criminal charges are not brought against George Zimmerman — or if a jury finds him not guilty of murder — there will be riots and arson at least as bad as those following the April 1992 police acquittals in the Rodney King beating case. By crucifying this one man, we’re saving the lives of hundreds and possibly billions of dollars in property damage. Far from anyone indicting us, CBS has promised us nail-to-nail coverage this Friday as the pilot for our own reality TV show. They’re already out rounding up contestants to make crucifixions a weekly show. We’re told the first commercials for the series will be on upcoming episodes of The Amazing Race and their hit legal drama, The Good Wife.”
This article is Copyright © 2012 The J. Neil Schulman Living Trust. All rights reserved.
Winner of the Special Jury Prize for Libertarian Ideals from the 2011 Anthem Film Festival! My comic thriller Lady Magdalene’s — a movie I wrote, produced, directed, and acted in it — is now available free on the web linked from the official movie website. If you like the way I think, I think you’ll like this movie. Check it out!
April 1, 2012 - 3:07 am
I have come a long way to where I cast no small doubt on the “sanctity” of police. Yet, If the roles were reversed and Treyvon had shot Zimmerman dead, all else being equal, I would still tend to believe the preliminary police reports that they have no evidence for filing charges at this time. Perhaps because I have rightly or wrongly come to the conclusion that Police try their hardest to exercise their power and make an arrest.
April 2, 2012 - 5:26 pm
I’ve come to the conclusion that Zimmermans, dad had called in a favor out in Florida. Zimmermans, leads your “Neighborhood Watch” but has a misdemeanor, which was reduced from a felony for attacking a police officer. I believe his dad made him feel above the law.
April 2, 2012 - 5:39 pm
Under federal law conviction of a “violent misdemeanor” (and any physical confrontation with a law-enforcement officer would be in this category) would be a disqualification even to own a firearm, much less be issued a license to carry one — and daddy being a Florida judge would have zero influence on this.
April 2, 2012 - 7:55 pm
i hope everyone of those HOA ASSHOLES OF TWIN LAKES COMMUNITY BURN IN hell for this!
April 2, 2012 - 11:07 pm
Uh, it was published on April 1st.
“April fools!!!”?
April 4, 2012 - 11:10 pm
Great stuff! Really funny!!!! Found you because @sistertoldjah on Twitter gave you recognition for your enhanced audio work. Kudos.
April 11, 2012 - 11:13 pm
I live in a “gated” Village in Long Island , NY. of over a 1,00 Condo’s. The entire area is fenced in with “two” Enter & Exit areas. We have Security guards, etc. As far as I know, a “gated” community or village is Private Property. If a “stranger” comes onto Our Property the Police are called to remove him or her…
I would imagine that “if” a stranger was asked to leave, and did not, that Security Guard, etc. could retain that person or possibly make a “citizens arrest” until the Police arrive. If the Guard gets attacked and starts getting his head bashed on cement, he has every right to defend himself. Its Private Property. Trevor had no permission to be there.
April 11, 2012 - 11:55 pm
Trayvon Martin was not trespassing; he was visiting his father’s fiancee’s home in the gated community.
I’m eagerly awaiting to find out what new evidence or witness testimony the prosecution has that will convince a jury that George Zimmerman committed an act not of self-defense but of second-degree murder.
Or not.
April 19, 2012 - 9:55 am
Mr. Schulman:
“Under federal law conviction of a “violent misdemeanor” (and any physical confrontation with a law-enforcement officer would be in this category) would be a disqualification even to own a firearm, much less be issued a license to carry one — and daddy being a Florida judge would have zero influence on this.”
This statement is flatly inaccurate. The only misdemeanor crime that would disqualify one from owning a firearm is the crime of ‘domestic violence.’
State laws may vary, but Florida does not seem to have any restrictions on ownership past the federal laws. The CW requirements DO in fact require a three year period to have passed since a ‘violent misdemeanor’-I direct you to the Florida CW eligibility requirements:
http://licgweb.doacs.state.fl.us/weapons/cw_license_eligibility_requirements_web.pdf
Also, since judges are in fact able to both seal records and restore firearm rights(and virtually anything else they wish to do), his father’s status certainly would effect his firearms capabilities-if he ever had an issue.
Not only that, being from a family with a former judge in it when I was younger-I can tell you that when you ‘call a lawyer’ when that lawyer starts the conversation with “I’m Judge …” you’ll be leaving the police station shortly. With an apology in my case(I WAS, in fact, drag racing….).
Of course, you know all of this, so I must wonder if you have been staring too long in the abyss on this issue?